Dirty Little
Secret “ – All American Rejects
Self harm, for me, is a very private issue. Yes, I’d like to increase awareness of it, and hopefully reduce the stigma which is attached to it. I also have a strong desire to hunt down graphic images of self harm injuries, despite these images often having a triggering effect to my own self harm. But still, I won’t show people my own scars or cuts.
The reasons I self harm are sometimes completely unknown, even to myself, and having to delve into the depths of my psyche to divulge this information to others, seems a rather emotionally draining task. A task which I would rather not undertake. Not when I feel my strength drain on a daily basis. So I become more and more private about my cutting.
Sometimes, I’m keeping it from the people I care about to protect them. Certain family members, and close friends would not deal with my issues of self harm in a way that I believe would be conducive to me ceasing these activities. And sometimes it would just hurt them. I care too much to hurt the people I love. It’s not about hating the world around me, but about hating myself.
So why do I reveal my secrets through Twitter (@WorthlessAmy86) and on my Blog? Because I need a source to vent. I need to tell the world of my agony. And I need to be understood.
Only then will it be told that I never really deserved to live and survive. All monsters should die.
