Symptoms

“I Don’t Care” - The Blackout

Although I have suffered with Clinical Depression for a number of years, I feel relatively lucky in terms of my illness. I’m very high-functioning, having been able to keep my depression symptoms to an almost unnoticeable level for a long time, and I am excruciatingly self-aware. This has allowed me to spot the usual symptoms and signs of an approaching “down” period with relative ease. Depression often manifests itself in very physical ways. These symptoms or side-effects may mean very little on their own, but added together, they can be a true indication of where in the depression scale you’re currently sitting. Many of these symptoms vary within each individual, and may not even be contributed to depression.

Some of the physical symptoms of depression are as below, along with, how and if I have suffered with them:

Ÿ  Irregular/disturbed sleeping patterns - this is my first and most severe symptom. When I am distressed, my sleep is always the first thing that will be affected, hence, my certain brand of medication. I suffer insomnia, difficulties getting to and staying asleep, frequent wake-ups during the night, and nightmares, leading me to be infuriatingly tired for all normal waking hours. However, some people’s depression can be seen by exactly the opposite; they will sleep during the day, for a massive amount of time (which can be sometimes seen as an escape mechanism).

Ÿ  Irregular appetite - I already eat slightly out of sync, as I don’t eat breakfast (unless you count coffee and cigarettes), and whilst I am at work, I rarely have anything to eat at lunch-time. But when I do eat, I have a very healthy appetite. However, if I’m feeling a little depressed, or if I’m experiencing any anxiety, I won’t eat. I just won’t be hungry. Again, as with sleep, the polar-opposite can be true of some people, where they will comfort eat (usually alot more than they would usually eat) as a way to make themselves feel better.

Ÿ  Lack of concentration - I love to read; I’ll read anything I can get my hands on. But if I’m depressed, I will become restless, and will not be able to concentrate enough to read at all. I won’t be able to watch television, or anything that requires me sitting still and thinking for more than two minutes. My work tends to suffer, as I go into automatic mode, because I can’t concentrate, and will then make mistakes (that can often be quite costly in my job-role).

Ÿ  Lack of motivation/interest - When I’m down, I have no motivation to do anything, and very little interest in any external activity that may actually make me feel better.

Ÿ  Severe headaches - I suffer with headaches a great deal when I am depressed or stressed. This could be due to the lack of sleep, or just one of those things, but it can be quite awful.

Ÿ  Social withdrawal - I am constantly on my Blackberry normally, either bbm-ing the BFF or on Twitter, but when I’m depressed, I have been known to actually turn my phone off (shock-horror). I start trying to avoid being with people and that’s the first thing I do to withdraw. I’ll spend the majority of my time alone (by choice), and find it difficult to even communicate with my family.

Ÿ  Nausea/shakes - I mainly experience these symptoms when my depression is anxiety caused, but I’ll feel sick constantly, and get very shaky, possibly due to high adrenaline levels.

Ÿ  Hot flushes - my temperature gradually rises when I am depressed, until it’s quite obvious that I’m boiling hot, as I usually go bright red in the face, and start trying to blow over my upper lip onto my face.

Ÿ  High blood-pressure - this can be caused by extreme stress, and something I’m only just starting my fight against. I mainly blame my depression, but the way you run your average day when depressed (no sleep, no food) could be a major contributing factor.

Ÿ  Tearfulness - I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but it can be very severe, and rather embarrassing at times. No-one wants to be seen bursting into tears in the middle of a supermarket, but it has happened to me many times.

Ÿ  Stuttering - When extremely anxious, or depressed, I do stutter. Not too severely, but, again, it can be quite an embarrassing symptom. However, the people that know why it’s happening, just tend to ignore it.

Ÿ  Poor personal care - I won’t even brush my hair for days on end. This can be more severe, but I try to keep on top of this symptom, as it can be a large give-away to the fact that you are suffering.

Ÿ  Nervous skin picking - this is probably my most destructive symptom. My particular patterns involves biting/picking at the skin on my fingers, to the point of bleeding, picking/biting the skin on my lip, again, until it bleeds, picking at the skin on my face, and my all-time favourite, scratching at my scalp, again, to the point of bleeding (which has the great effect of making people think I have nits).

Ÿ  Suicidal/self-harm thoughts/actions - I haven’t self-harmed for about six years now, but it’s almost instinctive for me to have these thoughts when I am down: I just choose not to act on them anymore. I have experienced suicidal thoughts (and even actions) before, and it’s probably the most dangerous thing caused by depression

So those, for me, are the major symptoms of depression but there are many others that I may never have experienced. Being aware of what these symptoms are can mean that you can pre-empt the depression, and beat it before it gets too unruly.

N.B. This post was written in August 2011, so therefore belongs to the previous set of Blog writings, but was not posted previously.