The Last Year: Personal

"My Friend’s Over You ” –New Found Glory

So with the events of Emma, my life has been like a run-away train for the last year.

After leaving the old job, I quickly found out about a “Them and Us” atmosphere that’s often created when someone leaves a job, greatly enjoys their new job, whilst old friends still hate the old job. I’ve kept in touch with one or two people, but my friendships with even Peter and Lauryn have suffered. It probably didn’t help that after The Breakup, I avoided all old work colleagues as I didn’t have the heart to tell the few people that knew myself and Emma were a couple, that we were no longer a couple. It’s been done now, but I feel completely shut off from my old friends, as I’ve changed so much since leaving the old job, that I’m not sure they even know me that much anymore.  New chapters in life have always meant new friends to me, so although I miss my old friends, I am happy to just have fond memories of a time when life was somewhat simpler.

Having said that, I have gained a multitude of new friends. I seem to give people a very different impression of myself, than the view I have. Apparently, I’m sociable, and kind, and considerate, and funny! Who knew! Of course, during the last couple of months, it has been proven to me the caliber of people I choose to keep company with. As the rose-tinted glasses came off in regards to Emma, I had new ones, more realistic to wear, about how supportive and kind the new people in my life are. I’m being very well looked after, and will never be able to thank them enough.

About a year ago, I stopped going to the Dog Rescue Centre. A couple of months before my departure, I lost one of the dogs that regularly worked with, and found it very difficult to move beyond this. Changing circumstances (Emma) did not help the situation, and I just stopped going. After The Breakup, I made my decision to return to things that I felt I had given up for my relationship with Emma. The volunteer work that I did with the charity had always made me feel so positive before, and I wanted to get that feeling back. Upon return, there were fears that a particularly difficult dog I had previously worked with would no longer remember my friendly influence, and I would have to start from scratch with her. Cuddles* remembered me completely, and greeted me by jumping into my lap and licking my face. Only two weeks ago, I was able to pick her up and carry her for the first time. I was incredibly proud. And so was my Dad. Whom Cuddles still bites at every available opportunity. So my work there will continue, and I won’t give it up for anyone but myself this time.

As you can see, I’m returning to my old interest of blogging. I feel that it’s a good way to work through whatever I’m experiencing at the moment, and I still love to write. I now have more free time, and want to use that time for good. Either for myself, or for you, the reader. In keeping with this attitude, I have also applied to volunteer for Samaritans, as a telephone listener. I know my own mental stability isn’t at its highest level right now, but the selection day for the start of training is a few months away yet, and I’m near enough positive that I’ll be able to return to my usual mindset by then. Volunteering for Samaritans is something I have always wanted to do. I want to use my version of crazy to help people. Nothing reaches someone more that someone who’s been there and can relate to your feelings. I relate a little closely for my liking at the moment, but time will straighten that out for me.

I’m finally retuning to reading. After almost a month of not being able to concentrate for longer than four minutes at a time, my love for reading is being renewed. I’m coming home to something I have truly missed over the last year, having only read a handful of books in the last year. An amount which I would usually fly through in less than a month. As a celebration, my lovely parents have decided to get me a Kindle for Christmas. I have finally succumbed to peer pressure and am going digital. It’s also going to save me so much money, and I will finally have in my possession a copy of the DSM, which in paperback version usually costs around £70, but in Kindle version cost a grand total of…..£0.77! This has allowed me to look forward to something for the first time since she walked out of my life, so a good step forward all round. I give it a week after Christmas before my Mom moans that I spend too much time reading.

And finally, I now have a new hobby too. Studying. Well, to be more accurate, studying HTML. When I started my new job, I hit it off with the design and web-team manger who happens to be Little One’s boyfriend. Lawrence* has tried to head-hunt me a few times from Daisy, to be part of his own team, but my boss will not let me go. A fact which I take as quite a big compliment. However, he has taken it upon himself to involve me rather a lot in his type if work, and seemed thrilled when I said that wanted to learn how to write and read code (HTML, PHP, and XTML). With his help, I’m now learning this invaluable skill in my spare time. It’s something that I feel is worth doing as it’s a skill I can use even if I leave my new job. Plus, whereas when I started learning, I was only able to give it about an hour a week, I now have a lot more time on my hands, which is best put to constructive use.

There are a few more details to how my personal life is shaping up, but I’ll fill you in as the Blog progresses. All you need to know right now is that, my life hasn’t hit a complete dead-end. I’m neither alone, nor bored.